It is important to be straight forward with Step Children from the very beginning because it is possible that they will tempt us to see just how far they can go with us. They need to know whether or not we would take authority with them and if we do not, they will have the edge on us and will not easily let it go later on.
I became a Step Mother to two Children in their late teens. There were two things that I told them from the start one was, I was not trying to replace their Mother and the other one was, I am not their friend but I am someone that they could count on.
I was not trying to replace their Mother who is deceased because I know that I can not. I want them to cherish her memories but also go on with their lives and if I can help them to do that then I would. They had a relationship with her and it is not right for me to try to erase her memories so I put them at ease by telling them that I am not trying to replace her.
I told them that I am not their friend because a friend or rather a so called friend would allow for anything. I am not that way. I knew that I would have to say some things to them that would probably make them think that I did not like them and this is why I told them that I would be there for them. If I had to chastise them for any reason, they needed to know that I am still with them and that my love for them had not changed.
Developing a relationship with Step Kids is learning and growing process. Some days it would seem that you are making progress but other days it would seem like you have lost what you had. The thing to do is to just keep trying.
A funny thing that happens in my family (at least it is funny to me) is when I arrived in this family the Children thought that they had a live in maid. They would not clean up nor do any chores that I asked them to do. They expected me to do it all and for a while I did but I began to think, what could I do to get their participation? I decided that I could not cook for them if they did not do their chores. They were welcome to the food in the house but they had to cook it themselves. They were not allowed to eat what I had cooked so after a couple of days of this, they started doing their chores.
It is important to treat Step Children just like our own because they might be feeling inferior so all the Children in the home should be treated the same. I told my Step Children that I would uphold them if they are right but I will not do it if they are in the wrong. I wanted them to understand that I am for doing right because wrongdoing can have serious consequences.
It is important to let them know from the beginning that we care about them. It is so easy for them to get a negative impression of us so our love for them should be shown and not just said. Children connect better to what they see rather than what they hear.
Be honest with them from the beginning. Be yourself and do not put on any pretense, they have an ability to pick up on falsehood sooner than adults. Also no one is able to continue falsehood for very long, the truth will evidently come out. To avoid this, simply be you from the beginning with them and there will be no surprises. They will appreciate us more if we are real with them.
There will be changes or adjustments in the family so let them know about it in advance so that they can be prepared for it. Let them know your rules and the things you like as ask their input on it. Ask what they like and make adjustments to it if possible this will make them feel that they are still a part of the family and not an outsider.
Setting the foundation from the beginning with Step Children will make our life with them a lot easier.
0 Response to "Step Parenting – How To Talk To Your Step Kids In The Beginning"
Post a Comment