I had a family in my office the other day, and they described a problem I hear often in my role as a parenting coordinator. The two children, 8-year-old Timothy and 10-year old Alice were with Dad for his parenting time.
Timothy wanted to call Mom and tell her about a prize he'd received at school. Dad was busy helping Alice with her homework, and told Timothy it was not a good time for him to call, because it was time for him to unload the dishwasher.
Timothy pouted and whined about not being able to call Mom. Dad got frustrated and angry, saying he did not know why Timothy could not just wait to tell Mom when he went back to her house.
When Mom called later to say goodnight to the kids, Dad cut the call short by taking the phone and telling Mom to stop interfering with his parenting time. The situation escalated until Mom and Dad were yelling at each other and both kids were in tears.
Telephone issues are just another symptom of the ongoing conflict experienced by many couples who are sharing parenting duties after a divorce. Here are some tips to make telephone contact easier:
1) Limit phone calls between the kids and the "absent" parent to once a day.
2) Have all parties agree on an appropriate time that works for everyone.
3) A call in the morning or after school works well because it will not disrupt mealtimes, homework, or bedtime routines.
4) Let the children initiate the call to the "absent" parent; this might feel less intrusive to the other parent.
Taking the time to work out a solution in cases like these is a positive step for parents who are continually in conflict with each other. The next important step is to address the underlying sources of the conflict and find new ways of dealing with each other on a continuing basis. A parenting coordinator can help with this process.
Your children will thank you for the effort.
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