"How do I Instill confidence in my daughter? One parent asked. Being proactive about your children's learning abilities early in life can make a huge difference later in life.
It was not until my daughter was in the eleventh grade that I found out how to enhance her "true" self-esteem. And what a difference it made! She went from getting failing grades to graduating from high school, and college, and becoming a very successful manager.
The key to children's confidence is in what they say about themselves to themselves. Lots of praise from parents and other adults might make children feel good for a moment, but, in the long run, flattery can even diminish a child's self-esteem. It can make them dependent on outside approval to determine their self-worth and cause anxiety. Fearing they might lose that praise, kids become afraid to take on challenges where they might fail, limiting their growth, learning and self-esteem.
Instead of protecting children from struggle and failure, help them learn how to deal with it and get back on track and you will increase your child's confidence in the best way possible.
When they fall short of a goal, resist the urge to make excuses or blame circumstances. Focus their attention on the problem and identify what they want. For example, if they do not know how to do their math homework. Have them reframe it into, "I want to know how to do these problems." Then help them come up with five or six different ways to solve it. That might include going to a teacher for help, calling a friend, reading about how others solved the problem or other strategies. The key is to for them to find some way to work it out, whether it's homework, a conflict with a friend, or which new outfit to buy. That sends three important messages:
- You can do it.
- You need to solve the problem.
- By working at it you will be able to come up with a solution.
When kids learn to persist through to success they find out they can tackle life's challenges. That will make them feel more confident and better about themselves than anything anyone can say.
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