Is there any such thing as an ideal parenting style? Or, does effective parenting require a mix of styles, rather than the reliance on any one formula. These are some of the issues this article explores, as we look at the different styles of parenting. Traditionally, 3 main parenting styles have been identified. These are the authoritarian, permissive and authoritative. In considering these styles, it is also essential to recognize the impact that they can have on a child’s development, as well as on their behavior.
The authoritarian parent is one who makes rules and expects that their child will abide by those rules, without exception. It is a style that does not allow for any input from the child. It is very inflexible in its outlook, and in fact can hinder a child’s ability to think for themselves. Parents who adopt this style, do not take the time to explain their expectations, and as a result the child does not understand why certain rules are imposed. However, when rules are broken, punishment is usually harsh, and there are no positive re-enforcements.
On the other hand, the authoritative style of parenting is more democratic. Parents communicate their expectations to their children, while expressly setting rules and guidelines for them. However, they take the time to explain the reason for particular rules being put in place. Also, children know that there will be consequences if they fail to comply with those rules. Unlike authoritarian parenting, discipline is underpinned with warmth and love. There is two-way communication, as the child is allowed to express their feelings and opinions, and the parent takes the time to listen.
Permissive parenting is another style that has been identified. However, it does not involve the use of boundaries or limits. As a result of this, children whose parents are permissive in approach, usually tend to be out of control. Permissive parents operate with very few, if any rules, and prefer to allow children the freedom to do whatever they want. In other words, discipline is nonexistent, and wayward behavior goes unpunished. Without rules and structure, children learn to resent authority, misbehave, and display anti-social behavior. This can result in mayhem in the home, as parents are unable to control these children.
It is likely that parents will exhibit a mix of these styles and not any one in particular. However, there can be a tendency to use one style over the other. Ideally, parenting should be democratic in nature, as this will lead to a more positive outcome for the child. With authoritarian parents, children will become timid and unwilling to speak out, consequently, they tend to be introverted and suffer from low self-esteem. The permissive style of parenting usually tends to cause children to exhibit disruptive behavior, show signs of aggression, and possibly violence.
Effective and successful parenting requires a parent to be both firm and gentle. They must set rules, but must also be flexible enough to make adjustments where necessary. Being democratic, and thereby allowing input from kids is always more advisable, because it makes them more co-operative in the long run.
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