There is nothing more frightening to a parent than a violent outburst. They break glass, punch holes into walls, or verbally abuse the people around them. While not all kids with ADHD are violent, there are a few who experience extreme emotions and have difficulty keeping them in check. Sometimes, their violent outbursts are due to difficulties expressing themselves. When they do let out their anger verbally, however, it is usually expressed through name-calling, cussing, and insults.
A therapist can help your child work out the issues that trigger anger and restore peace in the family. Meanwhile, you'll need to find a way to deal with your child's violent outbursts. Try using the I CARE method, which stands for interrupt, cool-off, affirm, redirect, and educate.
Interrupt
In order to intervene, you must be willing to interrupt your child's tantrum or aggressive actions. Doing so will put the behavior to a halt, and your child will need to deal with your involvement and presence. Try using a code word to call your child aside for a talk. Point out what was wrong – "This is the second time you hit your brother this week. Maybe you should play in your room until you've calmed down."
Cool off
An angry child needs time to cool off before he or she can talk about what happened. Help your child understand that he is not being punished; rather, he is being given a place and time where he can pull himself together.
Affirm
Find out why your child behaved the way he did and affirm his feelings. If your child felt upset for being picked on or left out, empathize with your child, but add that hitting or yelling is not the way to deal with these feelings.
Redirect
If your child has difficulty calming down, guide him to another activity that will redirect his feelings and keep him from dwelling in anger. Children with ADHD tend to get fixated on certain feelings and thoughts, and redirection can be easier said than done. Some parents suggest using a trampoline or punching bag, while others have found success in distracting their kids with their favorite toys.
Educate
As soon as your child is calm and willing to listen, educate him about the events that triggered the violent incident. Give your child examples of the choices he should have made, or ask him for ideas on how to control his anger next time. It also helps to model and role-play appropriate responses to help your child learn healthy ways to deal with anger.
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