Bad parenting practices are responsible for all the problems with children and teenagers today so say some of today’s press. They suggest that it’s the way parents have raised their children that is to blame for all sorts of issues and problems in today’s society. Could this be true?
It’s difficult to prove this one way or the other, as we cannot control all the other variables associated with verifying this. So instead of looking at the problems let’s look at what we can do to help prevent our children becoming someone that the media writes about.
Everyone is shaped by the way they are parented, their peers and the media. What most parents want is to have well balanced children who know how to say “yes” to the good and “no” to the bad. We need to start while our children are still young to do this.
What is good parenting?
Good parenting is guiding our children and helping them to become the people they were meant to be. It is not emotionally badgering her into being the perfect child or clone of one of her parents. It’s also definitely not about leaving her without any guidance or boundaries at all.
All parents want to keep their children safe and make them feel secure. But they also have to teach them how to make good choices for themselves and allow them the freedom in which to do this. To do this we need to create a place where our children feel both loved and secure. A child will feel secure when she has boundaries set, within which she can grow and also knows she’s loved and that this love does not depend on what she does. Because of this we should never link boundaries or discipline with our child receiving or not receiving love from us. She needs to know that she does not lose love when she disagrees with us or has her own ideas.
Boundaries
Children are not born with boundaries they have to develop them. Parents need to set boundaries to give their children the information they need to enable them to make good decisions on which to build their lives. A Child has to learn that she cannot have or do everything she wants. If you give into your child because of tantrums and whining then you are teaching her that this is the correct way to get whatever you want. It can be very easy to give in especially when you are tired but it is important that you are consistent. Inconsistency is one of our greatest enemies and sends a child the completely wrong message.
The way we train or allow our children to respond to boundaries or discipline will affect the rest of their lives. We should never link boundaries or discipline with our child receiving or not receiving love from us. Our child need to know that she does not loose love when she disagrees with us, others or has her own ideas.
Discipline
What is discipline? To some people the word discipline gives them a very negative feeling. Discipline is in fact an external boundary, designed to develop internal boundaries and behavior. Discipline involves teaching, prevention and instruction. It provides structure in life and helps a child to develop into a responsible adult who understands right from wrong.
Good parenting involves both teaching her how to develop self discipline, which is prevention, as well as showing that her actions result in certain outcomes. These consequences are intended to increase a child’s sense of responsibility and control over her own life. A child needs to be taught to take responsibility for her own actions and parents need to train her to do this for herself.
Discipline and boundaries are something that children need and we do not help our children by withholding them.
Good parenting is not always easy and all parents will make mistakes so do not give yourself a hard time when this happens but instead be prepared to learn from the experience.
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