No matter how prepared parents try to be, raising kids is far more difficult than moms and dads ever imagine. The intensity of emotions, along with the unrelenting demands and responsibilities, rock parents to their core. At the moment of conception, life changes and will never be the same again.
How do parents cope? Conscientious mothers and fathers read about how to best meet their children's needs. To take some of the pressure off, they talk to other parents about how they handle toilet training, temper tantrums or homework problems.
One of the real joys of parenthood is telling stories about how cute and smart kids are. But what about the more troubling parts of child rearing? How do moms and dads deal with the stress and strain and the toll parenting takes on how they feel about themselves? This darker side of parenthood is not a topic parents generally like to talk about.
The truth is parenthood includes an assortment of feelings. Happiness and satisfaction are the obvious ones. But the disappointment, worry, sadness, guilt, and anger are often more than parents bargain for. These painful emotions can be confusing, and they undermine self-confidence.
The ups and downs of raising children are scary and unpredictable. Parents can not wait until their children learn to walk, but with the first step comes the worry about them wandering away. Kids lie, keep secrets, make mistakes and feel they're invincible. They get into trouble and do poorly in school. Teenagers excited about their new-found freedom, jump into their friend's cars without any idea that their parents' hearts are going along for the ride. This is parenthood!
Finding a New Perspective
For parents who are plagued by low self-esteem and frequent self-criticism, it's a good idea to seek help. Painful feelings allowed to fester and feeling awful inside are not very conducive to effective parenting or satisfying family relationships. In spite of what many people think, admitting to family problems and getting help for them takes strength and courage.
Experiencing painful feelings without losing sight of the positive ones and without lashing out or doing something mean or hurtful are the challenges. Maintaining self-control, self-respect, and respect of others, even when tempers flair, are important parental tasks. Kids need an emotionally safe environment to feel secure and good about themselves.
The rewards for exploring one's own feelings are well worth the effort it requires. The more clearly parents understand and accept their own emotions, the better prepared they'll be to help their children understand theirs.
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