I would argue vigorously with anyone who thought that there was a more important job in existence than being a parent. Being a parent means that you have responsibility for the formation of your child’s sense of wellbeing, of their sense of place in the world, and of how they in turn should behave in relation to those with whom they have influence during their lives. If the prospect of all that responsibility is daunting, then perhaps it should be remembered that the most profound things in life are sometimes the simplest.
You do not need to have a degree in psychology or be a trained counselor to be able to be an effective parent. I firmly believe that if you truly love your children and wish them the very best in life, then you are half-way there already. However, there are a few more basics to learn.
The first thing I would say is that children should never be the victim of violence. By this I don’t just mean the kinds of situations which end up in a criminal court. I mean that children should not be smacked. Why should it be considered to be such a bad thing (which it is) for a man to beat his wife, yet it is considered to be alright for a fully grown adult to hit a child? I have never understood this contradiction in society’s attitude. Having said that, I know that most parents who do smack their children do not do so with a mind to inflicting terrible pain and suffering upon them, but I think they need to step back and see it from the child’s point of view. To be hit by someone who is twice your size as a matter of course for some misdemeanor teaches the child that violence is a legitimate form of behaviour to take into the wider world, and that it is okay for someone who is bigger than someone else to behave in a violent manner towards that person. In other words, we are creating a mentality which says that it is alright to be a bully. It creates a pattern of behaviour in children that is self-fulfilling, and if there is one thing that we as a society need less of now it is violence.
I believe that discipline can be taught in ways which do not involve resorting to the physical approach. My wife and I used to send our children to their rooms to chill out and to have a bit of a think about the issue when they were growing up. Bad behaviour needs to go unrewarded just as good behaviour should be recognized and acknowledged. I have seen so many parents chastise their child’s bad behaviour and tell them what they expect of them, and ten seconds later the child is doing it again, and the parent ignores it completely! This just teaches the child that the parent is not really serious about the issue and that the behaviour is not really that important. Discipline is unlearnt by the child and nobody benefits. Parents who cannot be bothered following up these situations are creating a whip for their own backs, and are not teaching their children valuable life lessons.
So a very important word to remember is consistency. Be consistent in your attitude to certain bad behaviour so that your child is in no doubt what is acceptable. And it is most important that both parents take the same attitude to discipline. If one parent does one thing and the other does something else, the child will only learn that to get on they have to play one parent off against the other. Parents need to determine what is an acceptable standard of behaviour for their child, and then they need to back each other up when imposing that standard.
I have always maintained that one of the most important and effective things that a parent can do to foster a healthy relationship with their child, while at the same time instilling positive life-long habits, is to read to that child. Reading to a child is a wonderful panacea for many of the problems of child-rearing and I cannot recommend it more highly. I found it to be a time of peace and bonding when you were able to forget that you were an adult and were able to enter the world of the child. To witness a child’s fascination with a good story is a wonderful experience, and it is great fun to enhance the experience by acting out the roles with funny voices and by just being silly and childlike yourself. It is liberating and healthy for parent and child. As a result both of our children have grown up with a great love and appreciation of books, both fiction and fact, and in fact both of them have become very good writers themselves, with our daughter embarking on a career as an author.
I suppose I would summarize the approach taken in our family as being one of showing the child that you love them, and that they and their opinions are important, and of the imposition of discipline in a gentle but consistent way, and of making time to share in your child’s world.
0 Response to "Parenting – The Most Important Job in the World"
Post a Comment