Parenting Tips – How to Make Your Kids Follow the Rules

Learning to follow rules is critical for a happy life. Imagine what it would be like if no one stopped for a red traffic light – driving would be a fearful, life-threatening ordeal instead of a pleasant way to get to the mall. Yet following every single rule without thinking, could turn your child into a thoughtless robot who can not make wise decisions on his own.

I was consulting at one of the worst elementary schools in Southern California. Their number one problem was kids not following classroom or school wide rules. Because of the chronic chaos, many kids were unable to learn important skills and were on a dead end road.However, it all turned around when the kids embraced the rules.

Kids do not follow rules for one reason

• They do not embrace the rules.

Kids follow rules for one of three reasons

• They are afraid of what will happen if they do not.
• They want the reward they will get for following a rule
• They embrace the rules.

Embracing rules means to follow willingly because you see it is in your best interest. It is the opposite of force or rewards.

Three steps for getting kids to embrace the rules:

1. Decide -Take some time to decide which rules are important for your child to thrive and flourish in life. You might even read up on what has been scientifically proven to bring out the best in children. Start very small, with maybe one or two rules. (You can discuss this with a spouse, or even partner up with a friend who is going through the same problem.) Write down why this rule is important, what the benefits are of following it, what the costs are of not following it. Revise it over a week or two so you fully embrace the rule and know it will make a strong positive difference in your child's life.
2. Discuss – Sit down with your child and discuss it. Get his thoughts and let him know your reasoning behind the rule and that it is not optional. Together, work out a plan for putting the rule into action, using his ideas whenever possible. For example, if the rule is to do homework every day, let him decide when he will do it and where.
3. Deliver – When an airplane leaves LAX headed for JFK 3000 miles away, it is off course most of the time. What gets it to its landing spot is being crystal clear about the final destination and continually getting back on course. Together create a chart to track progress. Go over it together first daily, then weekly, then monthly. This will gradually build full ownership and embracing the rule. Discuss and solve problems that have gotten her off track and ways to put her back on the right path, using her ideas whenever possible.

This may take a little longer in the beginning, but it will save you frustration, and make both you and your child happier in the long run!

Sign up here with your email address to receive updates from this blog in your inbox.