This approach got me licensed as a Marriage and Family Therapist. One of the questions on my oral exam (California no longer requires that you pass an oral exam, but they did back when I was applying) was something like, "what treatment strategy might you use in this case?" The case I was responding to had a teenager in it and I had one good treatment strategy for working with teens. I took the opportunity to say it. (Side note: this was the only time that the two examiners looked up from their papers to make eye contact with me during the entire oral exam).
Anyway, my bit of brilliance was something that I had used successfully with teens for years. I call it "priming the pump." It is all about getting a conversation started. Teens have a hard time talking with adults. Even if they want to tell you something, it's hard for them to get the talking started. I think of them as having too much static going on in their brains to have a clear channel open for communication. After all, being a teen there is so much going on (hormones, worries about status and fitting in, friends, dating, money, just to name a few).
As a young therapist, I learned that asking open-ended questions like "what's going on with you," would typically get a response like "nothing." Here's a sample of that type of conversation:
Therapist: "So, does that bother you?
Teen: "No"
Therapist: "So, what's bothering you these days?"
Teen: "Nothin '"
Therapist: "Did you have something you wanted to talk about?"
Teen: "Nah"
And so on …
So, here's my approach. I prime the pump by suggesting what might be going on as a way to lead into a topic. Here's an example:
"I was thinking that guys your age sometimes have difficulty with (fill in the blank: pressure to date, or pressure to experiment with drugs, or your parents' expectations, etc.). Does that ever happen to you?"
See what I mean. I toss the teen a line. Here's a problem that guys your age face. Is this a problem for you? And if the answer is yes, I can ask more about it. "Do you worry about it a lot or a little? Is this the most important worry you have or is something else in first place?
I might still get only yes / no or one-word answers but they are at least moving toward a target. And here's an important point. I might be wrong in my guess. That's ok. The teen will correct me. I can try again … and again … and again. Sometimes it takes a lot of priming on my part to ferret out what might be going on. Parents, teachers, coaches and other adults who work with teens might find this approach useful.
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