Parenting goes wrong for many reasons. Your adult teachers may have been neglectful, inexperienced, inadequate or impaired with substance abuse or mental illness. Sometimes divorce or loss of loved ones leaves a parent grieving and unable to adequately nurture a child. Perhaps your parents learned bad lessons from your grandparents if they were addicted or abusive. If a parent is selfish, self-centered, abusive, critical or too demanding, the child often believes that the parent is right, even though that kind of parenting is very wrong. You may have difficulty feeling comfortable in close relationships as an adult because you experienced trauma or betrayal by people you cared about and trusted when you were a child. If you avoid your family or feel an aversion to being just like your parents, you can do something about it. Free yourself by forgiving them and start today to be thankful if only the gift of life.
Although you cannot change your past, you do have the power to make big changes to have a better future. You can stop personal patterns of substance abuse, neglect or insensitivity when it comes to you, your partner or your children. Often we react habitually like our parents or abusers unless we become aware and choose to behave differently. We can subconsciously carry all the issues we had with our parents or siblings into our new love relationships, heavily burdening our partners and ourselves. However, everyone can improve his or her relationship interaction by taking remedial action to learn how to be more open and skilled in love and parenting relationships. If you had disappointing parents, look beyond just one generation.
Feel the Force. You are more than just an individual; you have history! Your DNA goes back to the first people on earth. You have a connection with all the people who have ever lived and strived from the beginning of human history. You can add self-esteem by the ton to whatever you have accomplished in your own life if you think of yourself as a link in a wonderful chain. Remember the people who have died to win us our freedom from prejudice, chauvinism, religious intolerance, serfdom, slavery and cruelty-the list goes on back through history. You come from a long line of winners who made good enough decisions to survive and reproduce. Pretend the heroes and heroines of yesterday are watching. A good decision gene is in you, inherited from a thousand generations.
If necessary, you can unlearn the negative lessons from childhood. You can reeducate yourself with new better ways to interact or discover new teachers that you want to emulate. Let go of old grudges and unforgiving stances and just start your new life today. You always have the option of selecting new wonderful people to become your “family.” Then you can throw away the old baggage. Begin a happy new way of living and loving that is your own chosen style, not an imposed or borrowed one. Just trying to ignore the well-worn lessons from your childhood is not effective. You may need a great therapist to help you make any big changes. It is a good idea to learn to protect your future spouse and children from unconscious copying of poor relationship skills and inadequate parenting lessons. Recognize any problem areas that were passed on to you and let your partner know an honest account of memories, rough times or hurts in your childhood. Because your past so often effects your current relationships, you and your partner will benefit from working together to protect your relationship and to reclaim your present from a negative past. Take the Match Line Test to discover all your relationship strengths and problem areas.
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