When your children are young, you worry that they're roaming the house in the middle of the night, or that they'll get up early, while you're still sleeping. When you leave them at school for the very first time, surrounded by adults and children you do not know, it's a huge psychological step for both of you.
Sooner than you think, they're teenagers. Adolescence tends to be more of a roller coaster; the kind that takes your breath away with its never-ending twists and turns. The ups and downs can be very steep, and the curves knock you around. Emotions run high, and the stakes are higher.
Your control over your teen's behavior is waning, and his or her personality is changing. They are more private, more irritable, more challenging of authority in general – and yours in particular. Teenage loyalties are not as clear as they once were, either. If they have to choose between disappointing you and disappointing a friend, you'll probably lose that coin toss.
It's one thing to imagine what you'll be getting into as your kids become teenagers, experiencing the reality of it is something else altogether. Why is adolescence so difficult?
When teenagers scorn family relationships, they are essentially trying to establish their own identities. They are rejecting you in search of themselves. Psychologically, they're trying to kill you off – but not because they want you dead. It's quite the reverse.
As they struggle to solidify their core selves, it's important for teenagers to know that you're strong enough to survive their hostility and anger. When they can separate from you and find themselves, teenagers feel better prepared to take their next step toward adulthood. Nevertheless, for you, it's a messy, painful process to be killed off and live to tell about it.
If kids back down from their struggle for independence, it could leave them afraid of taking that leap forward. Therefore, in the face of the turmoil, and in spite of what they say, your teen continues to need you. Teenagers demand freedom; but they also need structure and clear limits.
Find a New Perspective
• Do not over-react or retaliate.
• Maintain clear boundaries.
• Be clear about your values.
As the everyday moments of life march forward, providing just the right amount of structure, discipline, and understanding might seem like hitting a moving target. Becoming controlling is a huge temptation. Using the cell phone as a tether, you call over and over, trying to quiet your own anxieties. Where are you? What are you doing? When will you be home?
One thing you can do is not overreact. "Chill out" is something all kids wish their parents could do. Some parents make matters worse by being too chill. Smoking pot or drinking with kids is not a good idea.
Boundaries are important because they help your children feel safe. Neither too rigid nor too loose is appropriate. Look for balance between the two extremes.
Good boundaries also include recognizing each family member's individuality. It means that you hold their physical, emotional, and psychological health in high regard. Getting in their face, manipulating their emotions, and taking advantage of their dependence, in any way, are all examples of a boundary problem.
Personal values also help your kids to feel safe. It's natural to want your teenagers to demonstrate the principles you've been dedicated to teaching them. However, it takes time for their personalities to solidify. Who they are as teenagers is not necessarily who they'll turn out be. Waiting for their true selves to emerge is difficult but hammering at them does not 'generally make this process go any faster, either.
Your best bet for affecting your children's life is to be a good role model. If your kids see you lie, it will be harder for them to understand why they should tell the truth. If you are disrespectful, it will be harder for them to learn respect. But if you demonstrate understanding, kindness, and dependability, they will eventually realize the importance of these qualities, and it will be thanks to you.
0 Response to "Parenting – Why Is Adolescence So Difficult?"
Post a Comment