As children grow from childhood into adolescence, it's important for parents to remember what the purpose of parenting and the purpose of adolescence is all about.
The purpose of parenting
Parenting is one of those rare jobs in which one of the primary goals is to work yourself out of a job. One way this is done is by teaching the adolescent how to be more and more in charge of himself.
In no way am I saying that teens should be allowed to do whatever they want. As a matter of fact, there are times when teens need more attention and structure than do younger children. There are times when parents tend to over structure the time of children and understructure the time of adolescents.
Controlling vs. managing teens
The difference between trying to control vs. manage a teenager is all in how you approach the situation.
A management approach meets these six key criteria:
1. The parents are clearly in charge.
2. The teen, over time, learns and earns the ability to be more in charge of himself.
3. There is a clear map for continually building trust and responsibility.
4. The parents have a way to monitor the progress of the teen.
5. There are clear consequences when the teen demonstrates that he can not be in charge of himself.
6. There is a map for how to earn back trust and responsibility when it is lost.
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